To all the boys I’ve loved before

To all the boys I’ve loved before..

Yup, this headlines inspired by a Netflix movie. But in this post, I will not discuss or review about that movie. I will tell you about my own story, inspired by that movie.

Ok, first of all, I’m sorry about my English. I’m not a pro, so, yeah..

Second, this article may contain a racist content, sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but I swear it’s in a good way. So, here we go..

I will tell a story about my crush, err.. not all of them, but some that left a big hole in my heart *halah. So, should we start?

Back then, when I was in senior high school, I was really deeply in love with my seniors. He has tanned skin (well actually almost black maybe, ehe), very curly hair, but has the most beautiful smile in the world *halah (I can’t say his name, I’m sorry). I never write and give him a love letter. I was just like his secret admirer, looking he’s walking, smiling and laughing with his friends, and I just sat, far away from him, but close enough to keep seeing him. And that’s my definition of happiness. Until one day, we can get close, actually until he knows my name and we have an opportunity to chat. I was really stiff and nervous at that time, and yeah don’t know what to say. It feels like my entire blood cells are in deep freeze. Fiuh…

But my relationship with the senior didn't go well. Yeah we actually are not yet in an official relationship. We just say ‘hi’ and walk away. And that’s enough for me. Especially later I know that he likes his mates, who are very beautiful, so they fit together. And, I’m happy if he’s happy, it sounds cliche but it’s true. So up to here my love story oh, my crush story in the senior high schools ends. I’ll keep him in my memory as my crush, yup, just in my mind, and that’s enough. 

Second story is a story about my crush in college. This time, is different. I was sooooo.. Intense deeply into him Like so so so much..! I don’t know how to describe it. This time, I became wild and brave to ‘show’ my feelings to him. Until I know that he knows my feelings for him. We are close, yes, because we’re friends in the same department. Even he once played in my boarding house and hitchhiked me on a motorcycle. Oh Gosh.. that was a wonderful feeling I have had in my entire life. That was such a good experience, I swear to God! Hahaha

One of the craziest things I've ever done is keep his used wet wipes and put it in my room. At that time we were in college, and we were a group. He asked me for wet wipes, and I gave it to him. After he finished wiping his face, he left the wet tissue just like that, so I took it when he didn't know and brought it home. Haha. One of the other crazy things I've done is I even asked to take a picture with him! And he said ok! Hahaha (maybe I still have the picture, yup, now in 2020). 

I’m pretty sure he knows my feelings for him, seeing the signs that I've done to him so far. But, the bad thing is.. He played me. Played my feeling for him. He knows I like him, but he deliberately played it by using me. For example, he's the type of person who doesn't want someone who likes him to leave, but he also doesn't want to date that person. Yup, jerk right? I didn't realize it for a long time, blinded by love. But after a while, I realized, and I chose to leave him. I want to save myself from the trap of pseudo love. Fiuh.. 

And now, I am already married. My husband is an extraordinary person. We fight, often, but we always can make it out. We fight about small and trivial things, such as debate about whether to use turmeric or not when we want to fry some fish for food, and a few other minor things. Another example like I’m Durian's team, and he’s not. To be honest, physically, actually my husband is not my standard type, at all. He’s tall, has very white and clean skin, slanted eyes, just like a korean actor. Haha. While my ideal type is the black one with a sweet smile (omo!). But wait, I love Korean actors! Hahaha.. But I just didn't think that my husband would be like a Korean actor later. Haha.. So this is unbelieve! 

The more here, the more I realize that my husband is the person I've been looking for. Even though we have a long distance relationship, but he's still someone I can count on. And he always tried to be good for me. We have the same vision, we always solve the problem together, we care for each other. And that’s the most important thing about love or relationship. 

So, to all the boys I’ve loved before.. I'm not regretting knowing all of you, and had a crush on you. However, you were not the person I was looking for. But you will remain a memory that will always be beautiful to remember and make my heart warm. Considering I have had such sincere feelings for you, regardless of what you do to my feelings back then. I hope you all live happily on your own path now, like I'm happy on my path.

Yours,

The person who had a crush on you